The girl who does her impressions of celebrities in traffic

Please go to ferguson.

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My college experience with sexual assault

I was in college for 7 years during the late 90s/early 2000s (no not for one degree) including being in a fraternity while in my undergrad studies.  I only preface the rest of this post with that timeline as after reading many blogs it appears colleges in america have basically become rapey town.  So I thought back to my time and could really only think of one time I ever encountered sexual assault personally.  Now this is anecdotal and not meant to disparage other peoples experiences.
Anyway it was circa 1996, a time when the spice girls and nine inch nails were still a thing, and mtv actually played music videos.  I was an undergrad at a Midwestern university, rather newly initiated into a fraternity.   Our frat had a mixer set up with a sorority where we would be bussed out to an alums land for a bonfire/keg party with a dj, where we all got hammered and waved glow sticks around with the other 90s shit that we did.  On the way home, however, one of our younger members who couldn’t handle his natural light got a bit too handsy with his date.  We were in a school bus of the yellow kind,  and it was just my frat and the sorority we asked to have the mixer with, so it wasn’t difficult to hear her protests, which were immediately met by four of my larger brothers removing him from his seat and making a space for him to pass out in.  A bit of background exposition is needed here, the president of our fraternity at the time arranged this mixer and he dated the president of the sorority we were with.  So yeah foreshadowing.
Flash forward, the brother who had embarrassed himself and us, is passed out in his bunk bed.  Well we had another brother who was an art major.  So we commissioned his work to address the situation.  He did not disappoint.   There are markers, like the crayola magic markers that wipe off  with a paper towel.  Then there were these markers.  They looked like little minute man nuclear missiles,  only the missiles had more warnings about contact with skin.  So our artist chooses two colors; black and red.  I shit you not he turned his face into the textbook caricature of the devil, had the black horns aligned with his already receding hairline and everything.  Now you’d think that would be enough, but by now a crowd had gathered, including the girl he had inappropriately groped.  Well no.  One of our larger brothers decided he needed to not simply sleep, and needed another reminder of the nights events.  So he took a fully wound up punch and connected square in the middle of his thigh.

Now imagine being punched by a large man on your thigh while sober.

Now imagine being punched by a large man on your thigh while being passed out drunk with your face painted in marker to look like the devil.

Needless to say we didnt worry too much about sexual assault in our house.

Welp just when I thought I’d seen the bottom

I made the mistake of following a link that led me to a youtube video made by a bipolar woman riding the manic wave while anally infusing a vodka/peyote/mescaline cocktail all while attempting to talk about sexism.  Her name is laci green and her youtube videos are so bizarre and scatterbrained that the only thing I can think to describe it would be if heath ledgers joker had a baby with Dr. Ruth.  Her perpetual lecturing on the objectification of women while wearing low cut shirts that show off her chest is confusing enough until you actually listen to what she’s saying.  Its only once you realize that she is really trying

to be serious that the sadness sets in. 

The more I read blogs the more

I really dislike humanity.  There’s this new conflict between internet attention whores, jessi smiles and Curtis Lepore.   If those names mean nothing to you congratulations you probably actually read books or work instead of watching reality tv.  But apparently two waterheads got together making vine clips, which are short movies of people being idiots.  Well shockingly that isn’t grounds for a solid relationship.  So as these type of love stories go, the sleeved up dipshit raped the bubble headed hipster glasses brainiac.   So she publishes this YouTube video about how awful her experience was and then gets upset because her rapist is vegan and if she reports him he won’t get the food he eats in jail.  I am really not making this up, although it would make a great snl skit.

#shirtgate

So we (humans) landed an object on a comet 300 million miles from earth, which is cool and all, but one of the mysoginstic scientists wore a fucking shirt that offended some women!  This will not stand! The shirt should immediately be charged with sexual assault, and I will personally wear an awful sexist poison t shirt from the 80s until this injustice is addressed.