The Ghostbusters reboot…looks so awful…so awful

There is literally no hook in the first trailer, which is not a good sign.  The trailer starts out with the original three meeting a ghost in a library. That’s about where the similarities end.  In the original Bill Murray’s interaction is both hilarious and scary at the same time, providing a perfect framing of what the rest of the movie is going to be.  In the reboot Kristen Wiig approaches the ghost and it vomits on her.  Then followed up by her saying “that stuff went everywhere, in every crack”.  No…no it didn’t you were fully clothed and unless you stripped down and rubbed it into your ass that’s just not possible, this was just projectile vomit not Kesha’s producer.

To kate mckinnons character “holtzman you’re a brilliant engineer”.  Camera shows some cgi machines with led’s attached, then switches to holtzman who drinks a soda and winks.  HOT DAMN I’M SOLD.

Kristin Wiig’s skill is quantum physics which we establish by showing some mathematical scribbling on a white board (no explanation as to what quantum physics has to do with ghostbustin).  WHO CARES CHICKS IN STEM!!.

Still have no idea what melissa mccarthy’s character does(she has an oscar nomination) other that narrate in a goofy helmet.  DIVERSITY!!

Now it gets really confusing.

In the original Ernie Hudson’s character applies for the job.  In this version a very large black woman shows up and basically tells the white women she is joining the club.  Her contribution?  Well the white women know all that “science stuff” but she knows New York and her uncle has a car they can use…which is…no…yes…a hearse.

Yes a black female New Yorker character provides street knowledge and a hearse.

The rest of the trailer doesn’t make much sense other than Twitter went nuts over Kate McKinnon licking her guns and the black lady yelling and smacking people.

I’ll go ahead and call it now once this abortion flops those involved will blame the studio executives for killing their original vision which would have been the Godfather of Ghostbustin movies.

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Ok so there’s this movie called “wetlands”

Based on a “novel” by an mtv europe vj from Germany.  Ive heard its this incredibly empowering piece of feminist literature…and Ive also heard its basically the “Scrotty Mcboogerballs” book imagined by elementary school age boys as a basic listing of the most repulsive things they can name.

Its an hour an 49 minutes so here’s my white privileged patriarchal play by play of..wetlands.

Whoops had to pause 53 seconds in.  The subtitles “this book shouldnt be read or adapted to film”  actually appear  in the opening credits.  “Its nothing more than a mirror of our sad society”  ok but what society? And the last words of the opening credits were “we need God”.

Opening scene, girl riding skateboard complaining about hemmroids…hahaha wait holy shit there’s no way im gonna be able to keep up with this movie.  The subtitles are worth gold. Someday i want to go to germany and ask how to say “my mother told me a pussy gets sick way easier than a penis does.” 

“So i turned myself into a living pussy-hygiene experiment”  the movie is paused im yelling no dont do it man its still good.  She does it.  “The filthier the better ” 

Her vaginal flora is better from rubbing it on toilet seats.  Tackle that one bill Nye. 

Ok the Germans are still fucked up.
Yep she shaves an anal fissure. And I after stepping outside for a cigarette came back inside and resumed the movie.  The following is the German translation:

“My ass injury developed a brimming blister, which…is hanging out of my butthole like the inflated neck skin of those tropical birds, the ones that blow it up to find a mate.”

Everything ive typed took place within 22 minutes of this movie.